Gifts

Yesterday, Kevin and I purchased a variety of gifts for the NICU and Antepartum floor in honor/memory of the boys 1st birthday. These are gifts that we hope will make the time that other mothers and fathers spending long days and nights on these floors a little more comfortable. A lot of thought went in to these presents because how do you make parents more comfortable when you know they are beyond scared, exhausted and frustrated. The gifts are nothing fancy but we wanted to give items that would be serving a purpose whether that be making their stay more comfortable or providing them with items that could help them with their grief.

It was a difficult thing to do because we were forced to go back to those weeks and think of things that we could have used or that would have helped us through our stay. It is hard because you know in your heart that there really is nothing that will ease the mind of a parent when their child's life hangs in the balance of life or death. But at the same time, for our own sanity we had to talk, even laugh, watch TV, read books, play games to pass all the time that went by over those 3 weeks in the hospital. So, we do know the importance of trying to create a distraction even if it is for short periods of time, just to give your mind, emotions and relationships a rest. When you are in the hospital lying their helpless because your body is failing your child, all you can do is wait and see. That is all the doctors and nurses can tell you, wait and see and hope for the best. They remind you that lying there is the best thing you can do to help your unborn child but for the mother and father, lying there only forces them to question and wonder about all the bad that is going to happen to their child. Minutes feel like days and days feel like weeks so, we remember vividly wish for the time to fly by quickly because everyday we remained pregnant was one more day closer to saving them. We know we can't ease what these parents are going through but maybe we can make time seem like it is moving forward in a positive direction. For those parents, whom lose their children, maybe we can help provide them with items that can help preserve those memories of their children and the short time they had with them.

We go to the hospital on Tuesday and I am extrememly worried about making it thru the doors with out breaking in to tears or being paralyzed with fear. To go back to the place where our world was shattered seems like an unbelievable task. Yet, we will go to honor our sons and to thank the people whom provided us with those precious days that we had with Declan and Lucas. Without this hospital or staff, we would have never had the opprotunity to meet our sons alive and provide them with a chance for life. We are eternally grateful to those whom cared for us during the remainder of our pregnancy, while the boys were in the NICU and even after their death. So on Tuesday, we will celebrate their birthday. Not the way we had hoped or dreamed but instead with heavy hearts and a purpose.