Sunday, January 11, 2009

January 12th

One year from tomorrow, everything in our world came to an earth shattering halt....
Fear took over and then a few short weeks later sorrow, anger and grief joined that fear. We have been battling them for 12 long months....

12 months since I stood up and my water broke...

This one instantance change not only our lives, our family but us as people. This one specific event forever changed whom we are, forever...there is no going back.
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2 comments:

Devon said...

you are in my heart and thoughts as you approach declan and lucas' first birthday. i know your heart aches without them here...

amazing how one event could totally alter the course of your life. know that god holds you close and he loves you...cling tight to that.

love you dear friend. so thankful for you.

January 11, 2009 at 2:56 PM
Anonymous said...

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I can't figure out why so many good things happen on a daily basis but for some reason I often forget about them. I try to think back to January 11th and think about what I did and I have no idea. I can't remember anything from that day and I am sure it was a great day and that I was extremely happy, but I have no idea. I literally can't remember one single moment from that day, which is so unbelievably sad to me cause I can tell you every detail from January 12th. I remember what I was wearing, I remember all my friends going out together early that day and for some reason just knowing I shouldn't go and staying home, I remember mom's phone call and exactly what she said, I remember driving to Kenosha and talking to Kevin on the phone, I remember being with Mackenzie and later driving back to Milwaukee, I remember getting back to my apartment and being all alone and so scared, I remember questioning why this was happening again and why things couldn’t just ever be easy for you and Kevin, I remember thinking things can't get any worse, I remember Natalie calling me and telling me that Ian had passed away and the pain that overwhelmed me in that instant, than I remember crying until I couldn’t anymore and never feeling more alone in my entire life. The next few weeks and months to come only got harder. Not only did I have to deal with the loss of 3 loved ones but I had to learn to accept that I had lost two of my best friends, or at least the people they use to be. Thankfully enough I was given the opportunity to get to know the people that they are now and love them even more than before.

I woke up this morning feeling out of sorts and kind of numb. I thought back to January 11th and tried to remember the person that I was on that day, but I couldn’t, all I know is that I am no longer that person. I don’t know exactly what has changed or if it was for better or for worse, but I do know that I am stronger than I ever thought I was. Yes I would love to take away all the pain that myself and those around me felt this last year, but I know that’s not possible. Instead I am going to spend today hoping that we all get the happiness we deserve in the year to come and can hold on to the memories we are so lucky to have of those we have lost.

A great man once said, "As long as we can love each other and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still here. All the memories are still here. You live on in the hearts of everyone you touched and nurtured while you were here." ~Morrie Schwartz

I know I don’t say it enough Melissa, but I love you so much and am so grateful to have you in my life. You are by far one of the STRONGEST people I know and I am so proud of all you have done and overcome in the last year. Your strength and love is admirable, never let anyone make you feel differently. I love you!

January 12, 2009 at 7:45 AM

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