Thursday, May 28, 2009
Vivid Dreams
I have been having so many vivid dreams lately but last night was unbelievable. I was dreaming about having to explain the death of Declan and Lucas to a group of people and the people I was explaining it too just didn't get it. They were saying the most awful things and didn't stop interrupting me until I finally started sobbing and screaming all the horrible details of the events leading up to and after their death. I literally woke up around 4 am this morning just sobbing and my heart was racing because I was so upset. My pillow was wet from crying and I just continue to sob because it brought back so vividly the feelings from all those weeks and months. The feelings of needing to validate their lives to people who just didn't and still don't get our loss or the grief we feel over not having them. The people who think we are "all better" because we have been forced to continue on with the "normalcy" of life even after burying two children. I don't like going back to that dark dark place that I was once stuck in but there are times like this morning when I don't have a choice. When the grief just knocks you down when you least expect it all over again.
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2 comments:
Oh, that is so tough. Yes, your comments about grief are so true. Also, so glad your walk went well! Thinking of you...
Melissa,
Grief hits you when you least expect it. Take it from an "old" griever. It has the power to take you right back to where you were even years before.
There will always be people who won't understand because fortunately for them they have never been through something like you have. It's something you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.
Love,
Pat
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