Tired

Today, I am so tired. I have zero energy or want to do much with life today. I miss my old life...life before the saddness, the exhaustion, the anger and the bitterness. I miss those dreams of my sons playing with my daughter. Of how exciting the holidays were going to be this year and of how my family was going to work with three children under the age of two. I miss the idea of how crazy it was going to be at our house with three little ones running around. I miss Lucas. I miss Declan. I miss being happy and carefree. I am tired and I know I am depressed but I don't know how to make life better. I don't know how to get the energy to play with my daughter or to spend time with my husband. All I know is how to get out of bed and wander thru my day. I love you Lucas. I love you Declan. I'm sorry Kevin and Mackenzie for not being all that you need me to be today....