Monday, November 24, 2008

Helping Students?

Tomorrow, I am suppose to talk to a small group of students at the school where I work. All of these middle school children have lost someone close to them, either a parent or a sibling in the last year or so. I was asked to talk to them about what it feels like to grieve for my own children. I am nervous about what I should say to them and how I will respond to them. They can't understand my loss and I can't understand theirs but we can relate to the way it feels to lose that person or people that we love more than anything. We can relate and understand those same emotions, fears, regrets, the what ifs and the should bee's. I am afraid to break down in front of them as I talk about being angry over the death of Declan and Lucas. Telling them how my heart is broken and will forever have pieces missing from their death. The guilt of laughing, being happy and wanting more children even though it has been less than a year since they died. How do you help children come to terms with the emotions and feelings over losing those that they loved when you can't even do it yourself? How do you tell them it is okay to feel all of these emotions, when you so desperately don't want yourself to feel this way any more? Maybe, I don't? Maybe, I just tell them that this is the hard part of life, that life can be cruel and unfair...that it just plain sucks and we don't have any reasons for why bad things happen. I don't know what to say and I am afraid of letting them down. The boys died because I failed them, I let them down and I don't want to let these kids down. They are already hurting, sad and angry, I don't want to be one more let down for them. I want to help them, I want for the boys and all my hurt and struggles to have a purpose. Could this be the purpose I have so desperately been searching for....asking for... I need for all of this to matter.

3 comments:

Babs said...

Sending you prayers for the grace to find the right words and the peace to listen.

Devon said...

praying & thinking of you...

i know you will be an encouragement and huge help to those kids. may god use you mightly!

love you sweet friend.

Anonymous said...

You were so courageous, caring, and inspirational to our students. You did make an impact on them. I am so happy you joined me yesterday. Thank you.