It's over

Today, I realized that I am holding on to the fantasy that the boys are possibly going to be with me. At some point, I have to let go of that fantasy and really come to terms with the reality that they are no longer here. I have the scar and I have their foot prints on me to prove that they lived and that is what I have to hold on too. I don't have them to hold on to and I never will, at least not here on this earth. I can't think about how no one congratulated me because they weren't alive long enough for that to happen. I guess it wouldn't have been appropriate for them to do so considering the circumstances. I want so badly to hold on to them here alive but that is just not going to happen, no matter how hard I cry, pray or wish. They are physically gone and they are never coming back. I can't continue to play the what if game because that is literally killing me on the inside. It is so hard...letting go.