Thursday, July 17, 2008

Sweet Michael

I went to hang my student's artwork today for the summer art show and met another art teacher in the district whom had her son with her. I told her how adorable I thought he was and asked what his name was in which she replied, Michael. I then asked how old he was because he was such a big kiddo and she told me he was going to be 6 months old and that he was born on January 25th. When she said the date my heart literally dropped...I just stared at him, trying to imagine my sons at that age, being that big?

I barely managed to keep my composure, finished hanging my work and left. When I got to my car, I just sort of sat there for a few minutes, thinking over how healthy her son is. The entire ride home, I kept thinking how close in age our children would have been. How I was in the hospital the same time as her but for very different reasons and very different outcomes. I wondered would the boys and her son, would they have been friends at some point in their lives? Would they have been in the same kindergarten class and graduated high school together?

It was so heartbreaking to know that her beautiful little boy, Michael, will have the opportunity to experience all of these things and my sons will not. They will never wave good-bye on that first day of school, they will never ride their first bike, they will never have their first kiss, they will never go to the prom, they will never graduate high school, they will never graduate college, they will never get married and they will never feel me hug or kiss them ever again. There just are so many things that they will never get to do nor will myself or Kevin ever get to see them accomplish.

I wanted so badly to tell her to treasure every moment, every second. To take a zillion pictures, even when he doesn't want her too. To tell him everyday, how important he is and how much she loves him, no matter what. To smoother him with hugs and kisses. To always tell him how proud she is of him and all of his accomplishments, no matter how small. To help him live a life of happiness and not take any of it for granted. But, I didn't...I didn't want to break down...I didn't want to come across as the crazy lady. Plus, she is a mom so, from the moment he was conceived, she probably already knew to do all of these things.

2 comments:

Melissa said...

I just got finished reading your post from a couple of days back and I don't have a clue on what to say to you. I can not imagine what you are going through. I will have to say that you did not let your beautiful boys down, because from what I read you did everything possible to help them and you did the most important thing that some babies never get and that is love. You LOVE your boys now and always will and some babies never get that gift. Weather you know it or not (from what I read) you are a amazing, loving, proud and strong mommy. I don't think they could have gotten any better of a mommy. I will continue to pray for you and your family. God Bless.

So Blessed said...

I will be praying for you as you face these difficult days of grief for your precious boys. My heart hurts for you as you endure the pain of life without them. I am deeply sorry for your loss.