Together again, sort of...

Well today, I decided that I needed to finish putting the pitcher I broke back together. Today, I worked on it for about 2 hours and went through 3 bottles of superglue, I believe I went through 4 or 5 bottles of glue total. As I sit and look at it, I am reminded that while the pitcher may be whole again it still has lots of cracks and even some pieces missing just like my life. I have come to realize that while I am allowing myself to pick up the pieces since losing the boys, they will never fit perfectly back together. Forever, those two essential pieces will be missing and yet, I will continue to re-build and add on around those empty spaces. As I rub my hands over the rough areas of the pitcher, I am remind that this current path that I am journeying on is a difficult one. At times, there are going to be areas that are jagged and sharp but the love of my family and friends, as well as my faith in seeing the boys again will keep me strong. I know that there will be days that I will feel like my life is a shattered mess of pieces but then again everyone at some point in time has felt this about their own life. I am not unique and I am not alone, everyone has or will be touched by heart break and tragedy at some point in their lives. That is the sad, hard truth. However, it is what we do with the shattered mess of our lives after tragedy has struck that indicates what path we will journey down. Will we curl up in to a ball never to see the light of day or will we fight to put the pieces back together, knowing that life will never be the same as it was once before? I think this is the hardest part, letting go of the past, letting go of the dreams of yesterday or of what should have been. Moving on to our "new" normal even though we wish with all of our hearts to have the "old" life back. We want those dreams back, the ones that were so close to being our reality. I never imagined, dreamed or asked for this path in my life, but it has been laid out before me and I am at a split in the road. Which road will I choose?