5 Years

Dear God,

Today is the 5 year anniversary of my marriage to my husband, Kevin. I just wanted to thank you for bringing him in to my life and to acknowledge how truly blessed I am to have him as my husband. The last 5 years have been filled with love, laughter, joy, pain, loss, heart break and strength. While, I never imagined this would be my life after 5 years of marriage, I am in awe of his strength and unwavering love towards me and Mackenzie. It is hard to believe that after 5 years, we still don't have a house full of kids and maybe we never will? However, I will never take the life that we have built together for granted nor will I take for granted all of his hard work and love.

Today, I try to remember all of the good memories that we have shared together over the last 5 years. It seems like we have grown up together and we have so many stories to share. Yet, it is hard to focus on the positive when our grief circles up around us sometimes swallowing us whole. It is hard to enjoy talking about our plans for the day when we know our plans for tomorrow are to go visit the boys at the cemetery. Yet, we try. We try to enjoy our anniversary even though, we know this is not the life we had envision for ourselves 5 years in to our marriage. By now, we were suppose to be done having our 3 to 4 children running around the house. Instead, we still battle the question of do we continue our family or do we just treasure Mackenzie all by herself. 5 years seems like it should be such a big milestone, especially in this day and age, but I feel some disappointment.... not in my marriage but in the aspect of growing a family. So, I ask of you today, God, give me the strength to enjoy this time with my husband even when the tears start to flow. To help me be the wife that he deserves and loves. Give us the strength to endure all that lies ahead in our lives, in our family and in our marriage. Give us the strength to make the next 5 years as memorable with more love, laughter, joy, strength and with less pain, loss and heart break.

Melissa