Friday, June 13, 2008

Everything has changed...

Today, I was thinking how everything has drastically changed since losing the boys. The way I feel, the way I look, my relationships with my husband, my friends, my family. I started thinking about the holidays and how they will never be the same...the dream is gone and can never be replaced. How I was looking so forward to Christmas this year, having 3 kids to shower with gifts and sit on Santa's lap. How fun and exciting it was going to be at my in-laws with not just our set of twins but with my brother-in-laws set of twins. Now, I will see those babies and ask "why" did you have to take our children lord? I had so much love to give them but I didn't get the chance. Instead, I see these other beautiful twin girls who are the same age as my sons and I am reminded of what we are missing out on. We are missing out on changing diapers, midnight feedings, rocking, first smiles, sitting, crawling, walking, mama, dada, and so many hugs and kisses...I ask again Lord, WHY? I would give anything to hold them again, we didn't have enough time, enough memories, enough pictures, enough love, enough hugs and kisses...Now, all we have are tears.

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