Gratitude

I have recently received phone calls, emails and posts that have been filled with apologies for things that family and friends feel they didn't do either while we were in the hospital or after losing the boys. While, we appreciate all of the support and kind words, the apologies are just not necessary and I think it is partially my fault for never thanking everyone for all that they did for us. The blame lies between me and god, no one else needs to udder an ounce of apologies for what they "should have done or didn't do." I have had a number of people say, I am sorry we gave you false hope... You didn't, you gave me the strength and courage to fight for 3 more weeks. Without, those three weeks, I would have never given birth to children that were alive. I could have never given them the opportunity to meet their daddy, sister, aunt and grandparents. While, I wish the circumstances were extremely different, I am so very grateful for the short amount of time that we had with the boys and I wouldn't trade those moments for anything in the world. Without your support and prayers, I don't know that we would have had the privilege of meeting our sons and being with them while they took their final breaths.

Where do you begin to thank people for all that they have done for you? How do you thank those that you love for all of their support and prayers during a time of unimaginable pain? Words just seem inadequate and yet that is all I have, my words...

So thank you, thank you for all of your prayers and for asking others to pray for us. Thank you for visiting us in the hospital. Thank you for attending the funeral and sending all of the many many cards. Thank you for your donations both to the NICU foundation at St. Joesph's and for the March of Dimes. Thank you for the endless phone calls of hope and comfort. Thank you for inviting us to go out, even if we declined the invitation. Thank you for the all of the plants and flowers. Thank you for visiting our boys at the cemetery. Thank you to my school and my department for the gift cards and the memorial bricks in honor of the boys. Thank you to anything and everything else that I know I am forgetting.

A special thank you to our parents, without your love, support, and dropping everything at a moments notice to care for us and Mackenzie, we would have not been able to spend those weeks in the hospital and had the opportunity to meet our sons without you. Who unselfishly, rushed to be with us and the boys during their final moments and shared in our most difficult days. To our moms, who spent endless hours with us at the hospital and running back and forth with Mackenzie so we could spend some time with her. To our moms, who did more than we could have ever imagined without even being asked and without an ounce of hesitation. To our parents, for loving us and so desperately wishing they could take the pain away. To my mom, for helping Kevin to make all the big decisions about the boys service when I just couldn't do it.

To my sister, who spent endless hours with us and brought pictures to not only make us laugh but also, make it feel more like home. Who went with the nurses after the boys had passed and helped them take our most treasured pictures of our sons. Who has been my support, my strength and my laughter during these difficult months.

To my uncle Jerry, the Deacon and all of his staff at the funeral home for taking such good care of our sons and providing us with a beautiful final ceremony for the boys. Jerry, will always forever be connect to my sons and hold such a special place in my heart.

To my friend Mary, who did all she could to make sure that work was taken care of and not something that I needed to worry about. Who made sure that our sidewalks and driveway were shoveled. Who came to visit, emailed and called to make sure that I had a sense of "normalcy" and kept me up to date with all the middle school drama. She has become such an amazing friend through the most traumatic of experiences.

To all the strangers whom have reached out to me through prayer, emails and cards with sympathy for our loss and stories about their own loss. These stories have help us to realize that we are not alone in our grief and that while at times the grief seems more than we can bare, we will survive and find our own "new normal".

To everyone else that I may have forgotten, thank you from the bottom of my heart! While, my heart may be broken from the loss of Declan and Lucas, it also swells with love and gratitude for all of you and all that you have done. Thank you, thank you, thank you...

All my love,
Melissa