Out with friends

So, Kevin and I went out for the first time with friends since the boys had passed. We were both a little nervous because we hadn't seen any of our friends since the boys funeral. We weren't really sure if our friends would be "normal" around us or be uncomfortable like so many other people we have encountered over the months. It was really great to see everyone, I know for Kevin it was great for him to be out with guys and have some laughs. For me, it was great to see the girls and just be able to talk with them about nothing and everything.

It was great to sit and talk with a friend of ours. She too has suffered a great loss this year so it was very comfortable to sit and talk with her about our losses. She was so supportive and asked so many questions about the boys. So few people ask about my sons for fear of either upsetting me, upsetting themselves or just because they don't know how or what to ask. She asked so many questions and really took an interest in allowing me to tell her all of my memories of them which are few but so precious to me. She even wanted to see pictures and commented on how they looked like their daddy. Nobody, ever has asked to see pictures of them and it really made my heart swell with happiness and pride to show them to her. I told Kevin about how she said the boys looked like him and it brought tears to his eyes. I know he wishes that someone would talk with him about the boys (besides me) so he could talk about all of his memories of them but he says it is just different with guys. Its not that they don't care, it is just that they are guys and don't know what to ask or if it is weird to ask questions.

I felt a little uncomfortable talking about my sons in front of a pregnant friend of mine. It is still hard to see pregnant woman because I am envious of their "hopefully" uncomplicated pregnancies. I also don't want any of them to add any undo stress to themselves by worrying that something "bad" could happen to their pregnancy like it did to mine and our boys. Pregnant woman have enough to worry about, my sad story is something they don't need to dwell on. I do appreciate this particular pregnant's friend interest in my sons and their story but right now is not the time for her to know all the details.

I do have to say that while today brought up a lot of emotions, it was so wonderful to talk about Declan and Lucas. It felt so great to show their pictures and be proud of how beautiful they were. While, I was at this party thinking about them, it was different because I was also explaining about the impact that their short lives have left on me, Kevin, our family but I was also able to express the love that we have for them. Thank you Nadia...today, your questions and our conversation meant more than you will ever know. Thank you for allowing me to share my sons with you...thank you for acknowledging how real they were and how much they are truly missed beyond any amount of words.